What’s that about 72 virgins, burning embassies, killing cartoonists and preaching the Religion of Peace(tm) while beheading infidels?
And what about those fanatics immolating themselves?
Your dear Khomeini is dead? I don’t give a fuck, and I think his beard was silly, too. Thousands slashing themselves, bleeding like goats? That’s plain old barbarism. Please, dear islam, evolve. The 12th century welcomes you.
Oh, BTW: The rest of the world don’t think the prophet Mohammed is the rat’s ass, either, and we will not suck-up him all the time. YOU can brownnose him as much as you like, but do not ask US to do the same. I don’t ask you to worship Scarlett Johanson. And you should. Man, you should.
Look at those infidel’s mellons. Too bad she’s not a virgin. Not good enough to you, my terrorist friend, am I right?
And no, I don’t care about jihads. Feel free to pay me a visit, this infidel’s home is at 22°47′40.93″S 43°12′0.45″W. Please aim your WMDs carefully.
A few years ago (ok, more like 10) it was easy to get a US Visa. All one needed to do was show enough juice to pay for the tickets and a reasonable proof he/she was not going to stay as an illegal alien. Usually a moderately fay paycheck was enough.
But all good things must come to an end, and after 9/11, the red tap only multiplied. Now one can no longer apply for a Visa in a week’s notice. The process crawls for months, everything must be scheduled, sometimes the face-to-face interviews are only available in 60 days.
The Visas expire really fast, too. I remember, back in the 80s, people with +10years Visas. My last one was valid for 3 months only.
Guess what? My own US Visa IS long gone. Now my Editor-in-Chief comes with an Indecent Proposal: An invitation from a big software company to travel to the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, all expenses covered.
Can I go? No, because the farking show is 1/08, and no farking way I can get a Visa in such a short notice.
I ordered a few hundred dollars of merchandise, from all around the globe (ok, USA and Hong Kong) right in the middle of the holidays, including my first eBay purchase. Yes, I’m not longer a virgin! oohrrah!
Only one seller replied with a shipping confirmation. Unfortunately, the cheapest and less useful (and desirable) item. I’ll not mention it, don’t want to hurt the seller’s feelings.
Now, let’s see if the Old Ninja Trick of ordering small packages and low-priced things work as a tax-avoidance maneuver. I really don’t want to pay taxes over some chinese crap, even if that chinese crap IS highly desirable.
Oh, no. My orders do not include a chinese bride. I think it’s very tempting, but I don’t speak chinese, the girls most likely will not speak portuguese. What would we do, if we can’t talk about our feelings and discuss our relationship all the time?? :):):):)
OK, chinese brides are expensive, that’s the real reason.
BoingBoing reports a story about students joining the Army because recruiters told them that “We’re not at war. War ended a long time ago.” YES, Virginia, they believed it.
So I ask: Since death tolls are high, last month 105 troopers died in Iraq, the whole mudhole is on the frontpage of every single newspaper or website, HOW CAN SOMEONE BE STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IT´S OVER?
ALL I can think is that they´re not the sharpest tool in the box.
Will a person so alienated be really useful for his/her nation? What can he add that an immigrant, willing to serve overseas (knowing there’s a going war) in exchange of citizenship can’t?
This post is part of Project 2996, in honour of the victims of 9/11
I had to write about a guy I never knew, Shashi Kiran Lakshmikantha Kadaba. He was a software engineer, like myself, and a hell of a good one. While people from countries not much poorer than his India plotted to kill him, Shashi studied, because that´s the best of all ways if you want a better life for yourself or your kids.
He worked at Wipro, a multi-billion dollar software company in India. But he was just too good, and travelled a lot. Japan, Singapore and the United States were places where his work was appreciated and recognised. He was not a poor immigrant, he was a smart young professional making money and bringing know-how to his own country, as so many Hindus do. But he was more, he was a living proof of the real American Dream, where smart people succeed.
Not-so-smart people blamed America for their own problems, and did what they do best. Actually, the only thing they are good at: Killing. But guess what, Osama; you can kill one Shashi but you can´t kill all of them. His friends are still around, and right now a lot, and I mean a LOT of kids in India, Pakistan and lots of other countries dream about living and working in America. They still believe in the American Dream. They dream about making big money, train their skills, and guess something else: They WILL manage what you´ll NEVER get: To conquer America.
I´m sorry, but I don´t see long lines of immigrants trying their luck at Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia. FREE people don´t want to live there, they want to live in America. Your only chance is to force YOUR ideas, but free people don´t listen to you. You´re preaching in the desert, and soon we´ll find you. Then you and your merry men will have to answer for the life of Shashi and so many others.
The one thing you´ll not answer is his Dream. Because no bomb in the world can kill a dream. Shashi´s alive, it´s a dream shared with every single student that arrives in America, including so many Arabs and Muslims that believe in peace and despise you, Osama. As I do. Because Shashi was a fellow geek, and even never knowing him, I feel closer than I´ll ever be with your crackpot ideas and religious nonsense.
You´ve hurt a geek, a brother. And geeks never forget. Worse, geeks program and create the smart weapons you´re so much scared about. Keep it in mind. When the day comes and you hear death from above, that missile will be programmed by some of Shashi´s brothers.
It’s a no-win situation, every blog in its childhood has as major viewers spiders and bots from search engines and -oh boy- spammers. Some bloggers get frustrated because nobody answers or comments their witty posts. Face it, folks, nobody answers because nobody is reading.
What can we do about it?
Well, basically nothing. You can spam around, and get banished from every meaningful blog in the Universe, you can preach your friends but they’ll visit your blog once or twice, as a courtesy and then forget it, or you can post lots of meaningless content.
The last alternative is worse than spamming, because it fills up the net with trash and does nothing to increase your blog’s awareness. If you don’t have meaningful content you will not be indexed. Live with that.
But don’t kill yourself just yet. The best way of being indexed is to create new and meaningful content, make use of trackback and post meaningful comments on meaningful blogs.
Doesn’t matter if nobody’s reading your blogs now. Take it as a freebie; you can post whatever you want, with no consequences. I can even say that I’d love to do Bruna’s sister and nothing happens, but make no mistake, it will matter, soon.
Make your first posts as timeless as possible, because sooner or later, when the Googlebot finds you, they’ll be indexed, and found by willing visitors. One of my first real posts, teaching about Bit Torrent is still a daily champion on my visit stats.
Write once, profit forever. See? Is not that you’re writing for spiders and bots, you’re writing for humans, in the future. It’s just a matter of temporal perspective.
Just like the War on Drugs is a miserable failure, the same will happen with the War on Terror, if people think they can sensitise the wanna-be terrorists with Hollywood-Style special FX and 30″ ads. Sorry, Virginia, it does not work.
Didn´t work for drugs, didn´t work for fat foods, didn´t work for smoking. In reality I don´t think a single smoker is not aware smoke kills. They don´t like to cough. they don´t like being unable to run longer than 8 seconds or 15feet. They don´t need a picture of a black lung to remind them, because they feel the effects of the cigarettes, and the still keep smoking.
What most anti drug campaings do is glamourize the whole thing. “Don´t do drugs, kids, or you´ll find yourself on a neverending spiral of cheap and easy sex, mind-expanding experiences, cool parties with trendy music and girls willing to go down on you for a little dope. OR if you are a girl, all you need to get some stuff is go down on guys that you´d do for free anyway”
Guess what? THAT´S ALL A KID ALWAYS WANTED.
And no, don´t bother to show detox clinics, feces-covered rags of a man in the middle of a drug-induced schizophrenic attack. Those are losers and no respectable junkie thinks he can become like that. Oh, BTW: Most don´t.
Some people even think Prodigy´s video, Smack my Bitch Up is a good anti drug tool, because it shows the shallow and meaningless life of a partygoer/drug users. Guess what, that person has more fun than me.
The above video does the same. It´s being aired on Iraq TV, and I think it will help to increase the number of terror attacks. Why? Because it shows what the terrorists never see, what happens after they press the button, not the way it really does, but the way they want to. People crying, lots of destruction and a big Hollywood matrix-like blast, with traitors (worse than infidels) thrown away, their cars thorn apart… Allah Akbar!! Where do I sign, Samir?
Bad, bad dog, Hollywood. You don´t stop terrorists with movies. You stop terrorists with hot lead, free market and education.
Since my disaster yesterday, my challenges increased tenfold: How to keep up with feeding 5 blogs, without a full computer?
Some people under such circumstances would simply pull a Cobain, but I’m terrible with guns, my aim is so bad I would certainly end hurting someone innocent. So, better pull a Lt. Dan and go back to work.
Using a PocketPC as your main blogging tool is not the end of the world. All you need is love focus. Focus, focus and focus.
Easier said than done, if everybody agrees you should be living on Ritalin, but not impossible. Actually, those hints work for everyone, even people with actual computers.
Think your cunning plan all the way through - Don’t plan as you write. It only works for novels, and bad ones. Check Lost. They’re pilling up the unanswered questions and plot holes. Don’t do that. Start only when you know where your post will end, how long it will be and what resources you’ll need.
ADHS is for wimps - I know I’ll link to “Ritalin” on Wikipedia, but hey, do I need to do it know? Will I dare to loose my focus, browsing away and forgetting my logical line? Let the accessory work - link, tags, and pictures - to the end. Nobody will die if you don’t link NOW! RIGHT NOW!
Set up alternative posting methods - Most blog software accept posts via XMLRPC and email. It’s way easier than accessing their online interface. Don’t even think of using a PocketPC browser. Internet Explorer will do the trick but you’ll close it by mistake 3 or 6 times a day. Opera Mobile is great but it happens to die, silently, with no warning, taking your working data to browser’s heaven. Post by email OR save your day’s work and finish it using a real PC.
Think about the future - Write two or three stories and keep them scheduled for the following days. You’ll miss a lot of deadlines, and those stores can cover your ass while you’re solving the big problems you’re dealing with. Classic filling stories are:
Keywords Google people use to reach this site
AdSense generic tip #4352
Funny YouTube video
Old Workplace Story post
Obvious question thrown at the audience trick
Problem-turned-story post (you’re reading one of those)
Don’t miss the big picture - or the small one. Posting from a PocketPC or a stranger’s PC leads to a lot of text-only posts. Time is a factor, unfamiliar image software is another. Have you tried Google Images using a PDA? Hint: Don’t.
But less images doesn’t mean no images. Are you typing your own Gutenberg Project? A small picture, here and there, breaks the hardness of a long text. A lot more people will read your posts if you do it. Also, some posts need an illustration. Plan ahead but don’t stop including pictures only because it’s hard.
Learn to read email offline - If you are timesharing a PC don’t waste your time reading email in it. Use your PDA. Your online time is far more valuable now. There are no really urgent emails. People still use the phone for important issues. Nobody send a “WHERE’S MY INSULIN?” Email. Plan up to three email windows on your day. Don’t worry; your Nigerian friend will wait a few hours for deposit confirmation.
SEMPER FI - One thing I learned with U.S. Marine Corps: Always have a plan C. Because when you’re stuck with plan B it becomes plan A and guess what: you don’t have a backup plan anymore.
Don’t be a cry baby - You’ve lost your PC. OK, fine. Post about it, it’s a right. Just don’t make it sound like the end of the world. Some of your readers will have bigger problems. Don’t try to use pity to reach them. Nobody loves an underdog. Talk about your loss, deal with it but don’t loose the perspective, or you’ll sound like a 30 old virgin living in your momma’s basement.
And finally…
Never Give Up, Never Surrender! - Most of Humanity’s best written works were produced under nasty circumstances. You don’t have black plague, Nazi soldiers in your dinner room, soviet agents joking your next work will be made in a place that rhymes with “Liberia”. Think about your changed blogging environment as a fact of life. Not in a Pollyanna way. “Katrina is coming” doesn’t mean you’ve got a date, boy. Imagine you’re a war blogger, without the war. Some things are bigger than you but what can’t be broken can be bent.
Halbook, a Toshiba notebook, my loyal companion, is no more.
He has ceased to be, bereft of life, he rests in peace, he has kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the Great Head of Dead Computers in the sky.
I´m trying to deal with it the best I can, for now I´ll mostly use my PocketPC, there´s another PC I can use but it´s timeshared to hell. Best available times are deep into the night, what means I´ll become a full time vampire. Hope “Dating Buffy” comes with the job.
It doesn’t matter. You may be Bill Gates, but the best money of your life will always be your first. Not the second, not the latest, not the largest. The first.
You first salary means freedom, means someone is willing to pay for your work, it means you’re part of the game now.
When someone decides to become a ProBlogger, the first AdSense Dollar is the best, also. And believe me, it takes a lot of time to get there. Clicks in Brazil are underpaid, some are as low as US$0,01. The first Dollar takes a long time to be reached. Meanwhile your friends will think you’re crazy, counting cents and clicks dropping like coins in a panhandler… pan.
I still remember my first salary, and still remember my first AdSense Dollar. Both share the same exact sensation.
